Care for Another Person

From http://www.christianpsychologisttalk.com/


Sublimation is essential in relationships. Sublimation is the irreplaceable heart of grace. Sublimation is that act of taking pain, disillusionment, or discontent and focusing it into an act of care for another. As a psychological defense, sublimation is the only defense of “self” that serves a higher purpose than selfishness.

Tonight I’m using sublimation as my motivation. As I write under the burden of relational loss and want, I am using that soul energy to encourage you to “Care for the One’s You Love”. The act I’m talking about isn’t a pop love song, or a happily ever after Hollywood script. It’s not poetry or a love story. Caring for the one’s you love is about sacrifice. It’s about giving when you’re receiving nothing, loving when you’re hurting, and being concerned even when you’re misunderstood.

I’ve been writing about the “work” of relationship. My first entry on the topic was “Doing Life Together”; suggesting that nothing matters more than being with, acting with, and loving the one’s with whom you live. Even though complete “Trust is an Illusion” and the people in your life will disappoint you, you and I need each other.

You husband or wife, friends and family, they need you to care. Humanity needs you to take responsibility for the experiences of others. You may, actually, not be able to meet their needs; some of those needs are unhealthy or can’t be satisfied by you. You can care; you can show awareness. You can exclaim to the people in your life that they matter to you, adjust your wants and activities to account for their needs, and show that they are an important part of your life.

Answer this, when you think of me and “?”, who are those other people? Those are the people that define your life, that define your purpose, and that define your relational responsibility. We are not in relationships to receive. If you want relational satisfaction, sublimate your hurt and even your loss to care for another person.

“The journey I [am inviting] you to undertake is no small task, and is costly to your individualistic way of life. Paradoxically, it is also the only way to make life rewarding. We are created to give ourselves in relationship. It’s a selfish thing, if you think about it. Yes, to get, you give. Not as barter—you give yourself as a gift, freely. Giving yourself as a gift in relationship is how you become fulfilled in life. We are more blessed when we give than when we receive. The reward you feel when you actually sacrifice for another person is truly more en-joy-able and substantial at a deep soul level than any experience in which you receive.

The act of giving yourself for another person is also more costly than when you receive; but anything worthwhile comes with a cost. So, from our standpoint, the paraphrased passage should read, “I’m coming to you who are broken and complicated, in my own broken way. I am coming to join you on your journey and yoke myself to you as we carry life’s burdens together (if you’ll let me). By this you will know that love is real, redemption is possible, and my joy shall be made full.” Come to think of it, that is what Jesus did; he became broken for us.

I’m suggesting that our lives can only be substantiated by the relational connections we make along the way. The worth of each person’s life journey is not measured by the destination. Our destination is assured by Jesus’ work on the cross. Why he has left us “along the way” of life is so we can grow in the certainty of his love and bring others along as we move closer to that end he has secured. I’m suggesting that when we hear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant” (Matt. 25:21), it will not be because we have lived a sinless life. It will not be for our temporal accomplishments. He will measure our faithfulness by our willingness to let the fig leaves and bushes fall to the ground, and our ability to love and be loved.

We are already on this journey. We have generations of relationships formed all around us. I’m just suggesting that we focus our souls together with healing purpose. Our relational interactions have the potential to carry the grace of Christ. Sacred relationship is hard work, but all else is wood, hay, and stubble. You are created and called to be in relationship; nothing else can make you satisfied.” (Excerpt from Beyond Fig Leaves & Bushes)